doubt met with awe

It's 12:21am and I'm tired, but I need to jot this stuff down. I must admit that every once in a while I'll take a step back and think, is this whole thing real? Does God really love me and do I even matter? Did God really create everything around me? When I pray, is anyone/anything listening? It all just feels like some abstract thought.

I had one of those moments tonight, and certain images came to mind. The sunset, the leaves changing color in the Fall, the sky right before a storm, a father connecting with his son. I then thought, God did this. God made all these things. They are all beautiful because there was someone with the capacity to create beauty, if only to dazzle us. I refuse to believe that nature just "happened," and that these wonders are simply byproducts of chance. There is a painter behind the masterpiece.