This is me posting to...

This is me posting to my blog using jott.com. listen

Powered by Jott

This is me posting to...

This is me posting to my blog using jott.com. listen

Powered by Jott

This is me posting a...

This is me posting a blog using Jott. listen

Powered by Jott

A Mother's Embrace

A few weeks ago, as I was chillin' at a coffee shop with friends, there was a little girl and her parents hanging out near us. She suddenly slipped and bumped her arm on the table.

What transpired was like a process. She first assumed a face of complete surprise and terror, as if to say, "what just happened?!" She then realized the situation, and a look of pain made her eyes squint and swell up with the urge of tears. She started to cry and you could tell she just wanted the pain to go away.

What happened next was a collision of different reactions from the mother and father. The father immediately asked his daughter, "what's wrong? what can I do?" The mother simply picked her up out of her chair and held her. The girl burrowed her head into her mom's chest and let the tears flow.

There's a lot of stuff going on there, and I'm still drawing meaning from it. The Dad has a big heart and he wanted to fix the situation, but it didn't line up with her needs. She needed her Mom to hold her. She needed the pain to go away.

Ian, Let Me Have This

The last three days at work have been my busiest since I've been there. My head was wrapped in this project, and I basically shut off the world. I got sucked in and it consumed the majority of my thoughts.

Today after work I went to Starbucks to meet up with Jason and Brian. I had some time to kill, so I just CHILLED for a minute. It was the best chill time I've had in a while. I journaled, read some heart-impacting verses, and stared into space. Finally my mind was NOT on my project, and it was relieving.

That was the 1st step I think - taking a second to breath. The next bigger step was while I was on my way home this evening. God clearly said to me*, "Ian, let me have this." So that was that. I no longer own this project at work; it is now in His hands. And I'm cool with that.

*If you ever want to talk about God "saying" anything to you, or to humans in general, let me know. I dig this sort of topic. It's like you have this thought that springs from something, and there had to be an external source that formed it. Although it's not really external, because this thing called the Holy Spirit is like Jesus living inside my heart, making His dwelling there. Dang this is a big asterisk ;-)

Jesus Never Retaliated

I read Wild at Heart a few years ago, and there is a part where John Eldredge is counseling his son Blaine regarding a bully at school who had pushed him down. He says to him, "The next time that bully pushes you down...I want you to get up...and I want you to hit him...as hard as you possibly can."

Last night at church they had a guest speaker named Don who talked about humility. He spoke about how Jesus willingly died on the cross. Jesus was beaten, mocked, whipped until near-death, forced to wear a crown of thorns, and finally crucified.

Not once did he strike back.

I dig Wild at Heart, but I don't know how to reconcile these two stories. What does the story of Jesus mean for us? How does that transpire in our lives at work, at school? If someone wrongs us, do we just let them? When do we stand up for ourselves, and when do we endure suffering?

Comments are welcome! :)

Bitterness is Like Peeing Down Your Leg...

... no one else feels it but you. I used to do this thing called Raft, a volunteer crisis hotline service. One of the other counselors said that to someone on the phone. I'm not sure if that's best to say to someone going through a rough time, but it will get their attention. It certainly got mine.

Last night I was having dinner with Laura, and a bitter thought started to dwell within me. Someone had said something to me several months ago, and I have yet to really let it go. The result - I get pissed off at someone, and that person has no idea. Bitterness is always one-sided.

We can respond to it several different ways. We can (1) continue to be pissed off about it while it eats us from the inside-out; (2) brush it off and let it brew slowly until it creeps back up again; or (3) let God help you. At some point it takes a prayer like, "I can't do this on my own, so You need to help me with this." At this point, God can work on your heart.

I can't say I'm fully over this thing, but I'm getting there.

Giant Eyeball Bank

Several years back my brother bought me a giant eyeball piggy bank, sans piggy, for my birthday. You may see it as you walk into my room on the book shelf, and it may even freak you out a little. They're not exactly "street legal." Okay they are but that's always fun to say.

Yesterday for the first time I cashed in. I went to Kroger and approached the giant green change-to-real-cash-converter machine with my giant eyeball bank in hand. After taking literally 15 minutes of shoving the coins into the coin eater-upper, the total came up to $37.45!

It was a good day.

doubt met with awe

It's 12:21am and I'm tired, but I need to jot this stuff down. I must admit that every once in a while I'll take a step back and think, is this whole thing real? Does God really love me and do I even matter? Did God really create everything around me? When I pray, is anyone/anything listening? It all just feels like some abstract thought.

I had one of those moments tonight, and certain images came to mind. The sunset, the leaves changing color in the Fall, the sky right before a storm, a father connecting with his son. I then thought, God did this. God made all these things. They are all beautiful because there was someone with the capacity to create beauty, if only to dazzle us. I refuse to believe that nature just "happened," and that these wonders are simply byproducts of chance. There is a painter behind the masterpiece.